remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
