Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
