I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
