I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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