$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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