Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
