i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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