To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize