Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
