I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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