i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
