I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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