god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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