i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
