What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
