so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
