i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
