these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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