I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
