Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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