i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
