I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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