Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
