Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
