Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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