I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
