just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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