every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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