# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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