she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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