yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
