Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
