Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
