we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
