she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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