You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
