I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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