OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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