Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
