You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
