The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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