just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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