direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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