we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
