Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
