Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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