whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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