I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
