I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
