i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
