A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
