and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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