But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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