awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
