I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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