So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
