And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found puke in my bra..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
