areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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